If you know me you know that I surround myself with two things. Movies and humor. So keep in mind that humor has gotten me through much of this. Memories of things that Cathy and I laughed at, of when she laughed at me and when I laughed at her. I’ve also gotten through much of this with crying and thinking back to the good AND bad times. What I posted this week is true, ALL couples go through times like that. If you think you’re the only one take comfort in knowing you’re not alone. And as I said on my post, like the nightly news it is the bad things that get talked about and the most attention while the daily good things are set aside. Those bad times might make up just point 1% and the good times 99.9%, but they don’t get nearly the attention they deserve.
Cathy and I began dating in high school. She always reminded me how dumb I was about asking her out and it made her laugh. I walked up to her at her locker and said “Would you like to go out Friday night?” She said yes and I said “Okay I’ll let you know when” and walked away. Believe it or not I was shy. Before that we were with a group of friends who went out to Luden’s Bridge and then Noah’s Ark for pizza. The next time we went out was our first date, 3 couples, to Southtown to see the movie THE ODESSA FILE. The following week we began going steady.
We went steady off and on through 2 years of high school. She’d get mad, break up and by the time I got home (remember, no cell phones then) she’d be on the phone apologizing and we’d be back together again. We stayed together the same way while I was in college and in 1980 when I graduated we got married. We moved to Indy and I worked for Loews Theaters while she worked for different dentists making retainers. We had Alex there and around 1986 we moved back to Decatur.
We were together through the years of Popcorn Video and she kept making retainers for a doctor in Ft. Wayne. Eventually she left that and pursued an education as nurse. She went to both Ivy Tech and St. Vincent’s and eventually got her BS in nursing. She was proud of the RN after her name. She worked at various hospital including here in town and at nursing homes. When she got sick with Meniere’s disease she went on disability. Eventually she came down with cancer and was fighting that the last two years. But it was congestive heart failure that took her from us.
So much for history and a few answers to some of your questions. My memories?
I remember her being a hottie and no matter what she always was that to me. I remember how much she adored our son Alex, James to some of you. Ask me another time and I’ll explain. I remember her loving being the drum major for the Bellmont High School band. I remember her loving music, from playing it to singing to listening to it. She was mostly off key singing but I never told her. She would often be enthralled by various performers from Kenny Loggins to Daryl Hall to Michael Hutchence to Robert Lamm. And yet when I once said “It’s a good thing I don’t fall for any performer” she cried saying that would tear her apart. She was still a fan of Chicago last week.
She couldn’t have loved her family more. Not just her nieces and nephews who she baby sat for when they were kids but their kids and their kid’s kids as well. If there was a baby around they weren’t safe if she was there. She loved holding those babies. She loved watching they grow up. She loved supporting them. She loved watching them in their homes.
She loved the rest of her family too, her parents and sisters and brother. She loved my family. Does love mean you never get mad? Not at all. She did that often. If you ever saw her scowl you’ll remember it now. But it didn’t mean she didn’t love those people with all of her heart. She was opinionated and that got her in trouble sometimes but it never meant she didn’t still love her entire family, each and every one of you. Okay I will admit, though not a family member, she didn’t like Juan Williams on THE FIVE very much. She made me fast forward through his comments when we’d watch.
When our son moved away it broke her heart but she understood. There were times when she would call just to hear his voice. There were times she had ME call just to hear him but didn’t want to talk over the past year. Then she would say something because she got tired of hearing the two of us talk about movies or comics. Neither interested her.
She love some reality TV but hated other shows. Ghost hunting shows she loved, historical shows she loved and lost type shows she loved. Among the pictures I shared are some of the guys from GHOST HUNTERS we met. She was ecstatic about that. She heard they were going to be in Kentucky and I made sure she got to go see them. She loved FINDING BIGFOOT and EXPEDITION BIGFOOT. Watching those shows with her gave me ideas to use in Sweet Christmas. I often wondered why she loved shows like this but hated wrestling programs. Some people actually believe in Bigfoot *cough cough Kevin*.
She was my censor when I would write the Sweet Christmas programs. I heard more than once “No Mark, you can’t do that there.” Everyone who is a member of this church should be thankful that she was there. You may be in trouble at the next one. And yet in spite of that she didn’t prevent issues with pants.
You can’t be with someone for 45 years and sum up your life together in 25 words or less. Heck I’m at 1027 already. We had our ups and downs but I loved her each and every day. Last Friday I realized it even more than ever. I will cling to those memories and thoughts and feelings. From comments made this last week I know all of you will as well. The outpouring has been amazing. I will have to adjust. My whole focus for the past two years has been taking care of her. Now I feel kind of lost but I will find myself again eventually. I love each and every one of you just like she did. I thank you for your love to her all these years. I thank her for the love she gave me for over half of my life.
I have no doubt more memories will be shared over the upcoming days and weeks. But now I open up to allow anyone to do so here. I was told some people might be too shy. You’re among friends and loved ones. There were so many good times. Feel free to share those now, here. And if not Kevin will move on. If someone doesn’t get up and talk about Swine Lake I will be stunned.
I’ll get the ball rolling. Three weeks ago she looked at me after the song “Happy Man” by Chicago played. She said “I could play the bongos like that. Why don’t you order me some bongos?” I laughed it off. A week later she said “Has my package shown up yet?” I said “What package?” She said “My bongos”. I told her I thought she was joking and she know she was serious and not to buy her any of those cheap bongos but a real pair. So I ordered her a real set of bongos. They showed up last week and she was tickled pink. She began playing them right away having watch lessons on YouTube that week before. She kept telling me she wanted me to learn a song on the guitar and would joke that we would play together on Madison Street. I’d just laugh. I knew better. But I’ll tell you this. I’m glad I bought her those bongos. At a time when she wasn’t feeling herself or feeling good they made her smile. I’ll keep that smile with me.
I love you all. Thank you for me and Alex both. Your turn.
If you are here with someone you love, turn to them and tell them and give them a hug or a kiss or both. Let them know. Right now. Life is precious and short. You might think you’re too busy and will get to it eventually. The reality is that you never know no matter what age you are if you will miss that chance. So do it now while you can. Call someone you love when you leave here and make sure they know. Write to them. You can lose someone in the blink of an eye. Don’t let the chance to tell them what they mean slip from you. Do it now and do it often after.
